We’ve all been there. Prayer time in a group – no one knows when or how to end. The introverts have a frightened look in their eyes.
Awkwardness sits thick as a fog.
Pure misery! And if you are of the introvert persuasion you are likely sweating and wanting to slowly slip away.
It doesn’t have to be this way! Whether praying alone, at family Bible time, with your spouse, or with a group, it can be done consistently and with excellence. Follow this model…
But all things should be done decently and in order.”
-1 Corinthians 14:40
For most Christians, fruitful and consistent prayer isn’t as much a problem of desire, inclination of the heart, or some sort of rebellion against talking to our Father in heaven. In my estimation, it usually has more to do with what you might call: the structure, habits, and systems in place – the trellis if you will.
This is good news as those elements are easier to adjust and strive towards “getting right” than the (also-spirit-assisted) work of heart change.
Nota Bene: the following critiques and prescriptions are admittedly a matter of preference and culture.
Why is Group Prayer so Awkward?
We can’t fix something if we don’t know what aspects are awry…
- No clear “leader” or facilitator. This doesn’t mean some high-handed boss needs to be determined, but someone needs to step forward and lead.
- No rules or structure. How many people are going to pray? For how long? Who starts? Who ends? How long is too long? How short is too short? Basically, the reverse of 1 Corinthians 14:40, annoying and disordered.
When people don’t know what is going on they become paralyzed. It can be very stressful for people to act when they don’t know if they are praying “correctly”.
Ever been part of “popcorn prayer” that never ends? And not in a spirit-filled time of pleading to the Lord but in an awkward, “we’re done right?” oh wait, no someone just unexpectedly prayed again, now we need to sit silently in tension for another five minutes. This would be ripe for rightful mockery by an outsider.
You might think… “what if I’m the one to say “amen” and end this – oh no! everyone will think I’m impatient and spiritually immature!”
We all know the person (bless their heart!) who sees group prayer time as the occasion to share everything they think. It becomes clear they fancy them a preacher and suddenly they have a captive audience. And then you start sneaking copies of Ecclesiastes 5:2 into everything of theirs you can…
Or, the awful granddaddy of all prayer formats… the youth group’s bane, the racially insensitive… “Mexican Prayer”! The leader thinks they are clever and have found some really spiritual way for everyone to pray…
Ok everyone, we are all going to start praying out loud at the same time! It’ll be great”
– Skinny-jean wearing, latte-sipping youth group leader
It isn’t great. In fact, I can think of no better example of a spiritual practice LESS “decently and in order” than that mess. A confounding technique right from the Tower of Babel itself.
How to Make Group Prayer Time A Success
Group prayer can and should be something we cherish and look forward to. If it feels like a trip to the dentist, we might be doing it wrong.
Here are some techniques and principles I’ve noticed that nudge it towards a joy not a burden.
1. The leader / facilitator should give everyone an idea of the format and when / how the prayer time will end.
A good technique here is specifically calling for people to open and close. You could even make it one notch less stressful and say that 3 people will pray in between them.
The smaller the group, the higher the expectation that everyone will pray. If you expect everyone to, then make that known. It is cruel to leave someone wondering if the absence of their participation is a sign they are profligate.
A leader can even “volun-tell” someone to pray for something specific. Maybe even someone has heretofore been a reluctant participant.
2. Model prayer done right!
Keep your prayers an appropriate length, with clear points and structure. A wandering meander as you stream-of-consciousness out a prayer can be problematic in groups – even if it is wonderful when alone.
3. Be aware of constraints
Yes, an hour of prayer might be great but be understanding of the constraints your people might have. People have attention spans, babysitters waiting, family needing food, bladders, and all kinds of real world constraints of which you need to be mindful.
4. Add structure to help, not as a gimmick
There can be some techniques in terms of who prays, at what time, and for what/whom. These are a help-aid – they shouldn’t be chased purely as a novelty or a gimmick.
One such helpful technique is within a group where you are sharing prayer requests you can make known beforehand that when we pray you will be praying for the person on your right. It is easier to pray a thoughtful and sincere prayer for one person than if you feel you need to pray for a dozen different needs. This also ensures no one gets forgotten.
Remember, where possibly make the structure known. Mystery and uncertainty are not an excuse to “let the spirit lead” as much as they are a way to create anxiety and a disdain in your people for group prayer.
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