A Framework For Effective Accountability

Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.

If you have ever been asked to be an accountability partner, or have asked someone else to be your accountability partner, you likely experienced the pitfalls that most accountability partnerships run into, causing to it fizzling out. Don’t feel bad – an accountability relationship creates a different dynamic than what you are accustomed to in friendship, and it takes many by surprise. Here are some tips for the Accounter to provide helpful accountability for the Accounted.

Scenario: You are asked to be an accountability partner

The conversation should begin with you getting a clear understanding of THE GOAL. What do they want to achieve that they haven’t yet?

Then you ask about THE PROBLEM – what keeps them from achieving their goal? Become at least lightly acquainted with the nature of their struggle and temptations.

Next up – YOUR ROLE. Ask what they had in mind for how you would help them with their struggle… and don’t expect a good answer, because this is the part they haven’t thought through. Now, there is a lot of variation in what your role could end up being, but whatever it is, keep this in mind: It must be THEIR DECISION. As much as possible, avoid being the one to tell them how you will be helping them.

You may need to ask some leading questions here. That’s ok – they are likely experiencing some amout of shame and embrassment and don’t feel comfortable directly telling you what they need, or stating some of the obvious steps they ought to be taking. This can feel irritating and tempt you to get short with them. Don’t! This is an opportunity to boost their confidence in you through patiently asking questions with a positive attitude. Ask with the intent of deeply understanding them and what they need.

Start out simple with your accountability plan, and let experience lead you to where more is needed. Be specific about anything that is scheduled – establish the DAY AND TIME when you will follow up with one another, and put it on your calendars.

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