Western civilization has lost its way. We’ve been confronted with grief and difficulty and realized that our society knows almost nothing about how to handle it. While lamentable, this should be no surprise. What is most saddening is how many of our brothers and sisters in Christ deal with and understand difficulty in life.
This post comes from the perspective of a parent who has a child with a severe medical condition. There are broader applications to difficulty of life in general that can be found in the particulars of most people’s stories. I don’t have it all figured out by any means but want to share my perspective. If you are struggling with how to respond to difficulty in suffering, prayerfully read Job.
“God doesn’t give you more than you can handle”
The first time I saw this statement was on Facebook, shared of course to be comforting and as one of the many trite truisms people unthinkingly share.
It made me mad.
I thought, “huh, that’s odd, I’m positive that I’ve been given more than I can handle.”
The phrase, while supposed to be comforting, upon reflection is not only discomforting but outright false. God will often give us situations that greatly exceed what we can, in our human weakness, handle…on our own. However, in these situations he may bring us to the point of relying entirely on His grace and when we rely on him to help us “handle” it we may triumph. Don’t take my word for it, here is the Apostle Paul speaking to the Corinthians…
For we do not want you to be unaware, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead. He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will deliver us again.
2 Corinthians 1:8-10 (ESV)
When someone is suffering the last thing they need are lies – however well intentioned. Why spread this weak phrase when there is so much truth in scripture that truly comforts?
God can AND DOES give us more than we can handle… on purpose, and for our good.
God gave your child this condition and has already determined when he will die
Sometimes you have to state the truth most bluntly in order for a difficult reality to be understood. This is such an occasion. We don’t mean to be harsh, cruel, or careless but the above statement is true based on what we know of God’s character through His inerrant and inspired Word.
Stick with us. This is actually a terrific comfort and a reality you can rest in, not something to be kicked against.
Since his days are determined,
Job 14:5-7 (ESV)
and the number of his months is with you,
and you have appointed his limits that he cannot pass,
For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
Psalm 139:13-16 (ESV)
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
our eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.
Yes, you are out of control but God is sovereign, could you come up with a more comforting situation within our fallen world?
On “the Facade” that everything is OK
Not sure why, but people have a tendency to pretend like things are OK when really they aren’t. Why don’t we just recognize that some situations are really horrible and tragic, wrestle with what it means about us, and God and his love – and move on with life.
Our child has been very close to death multiple times, he suffers and we suffer with him. Yes, this suffering can do helpful things as we dealt with above but let’s not pretend like it isn’t awful and that it is the way humanity was supposed to be. Sin has messed everything up.
Do we see the amazing reality of God’s love, character, and grace through difficulty? Absolutely.
We don’t then also pretend that the suffering is an end unto itself. Yes, we rejoice in the midst of suffering but let’s not kid ourselves that it is OK. The Bible says that all of creation is groaning in pain (Rom 8:18-25), this is our present reality and is what God has presently determined for us.
God has plans to rescue us out of this world of sin and suffering and into a new world with no sin and suffering. Now that is more than OK.
So now what?
Through our experiences we have shed many tears, been frustrated to the max, cried out to God with feelings of bitterness, anger, and heart-rending anguish. We’ve been there, it’s awful.
As well, our experience of suffering has shown amazing attributes of God and the immense grace he has given us. So rely on God, wrestle with the truth, and dispel the lie that you won’t be given more than you can handle.
Further Reading: John Piper – Our Captain Made Perfect Through Sufferings
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